It Would be Great to Have a “Real” Marriage

Credit: Wikimedia Commons

I usually don’t post thoughts that are off-the-cuff because, well, that’s not the way I like to write. As a college English teacher, I tell my students that brainstorming and making an outline are essential first steps in writing an essay.

But forget all that. This isn’t a stinkin’ essay.

All of you are aware that I am dealing with… “issues.” And you also know that I’m trying to be a good Catholic at the same time. Well, it’s not always a bed of roses.

Like right now.

Maybe it’s because I had to cut my meds down to a half-dose because my new psychiatrist couldn’t fit me right in. I’m don’t know, but life has been very up-and-down lately. (Luckily I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see him, so that’s good.)

Only on a Catholic/mental illness blog could the author go from writing thoughts about the rosary and contemplative prayer one day and writing a post like this one the very next day. Welcome to my world.

I have been mourning my marriage a lot lately. How could my wife and I go from being giddy young(er) lovers to coed roommates who manage a household like brother and sister?

I’m happy for all of the happily married couples that I see at church and on the blogs that I frequent. I really am. It’s just hard for me to see sometimes. Kind of like a guy seeing his recent ex-girlfriend in a hot new relationship while the former boyfriend is at home scouring Internet dating sites, trying in vain to find someone.

I have God, His Son, The Blessed Virgin, and all of the angels and saints, though. However, I don’t mean to sound like I’m questioning my faith (I’m not), but I am reminded of the scene in the movie Good Will Hunting where the counselor asks the young man if he has any friends. The young man says yes, he has many good friends and starts listing off classic authors. The counselor responds by saying that all of those people are dead and begins lecturing him on having real relationships with real people.

Again, there’s no doubt in my mind that the saints are alive in heaven and praying for me constantly. It’s just that… they’re not present here. I can’t see them.

Jesus is my savior and friend (yes, friend), and I love spending time praying/talking to him.

However,

it would be great to have real friends. A real love of my life.

The Church is the bridegroom of Christ. That is awesome; it’s a lovely image.

But that’s more like reading poetry: beautiful allusions and lofty prose. The real thing would be nice, though.

I need to count my blessings. I know. I have been. I thank God daily for everything that He has given me.

It would be wonderful to have a “real (?)” marriage like Christ has with His Church.

Fellow believers, please don’t write me off as a heretic. I’m really not. I’m just a guy who’s going through some stuff, that’s all.

~t

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About Topaz

I'm a college teacher, writer, and faithful Catholic. I do my best to juggle all of these while dealing with my mental illness -- a constant thorn in my flesh. View all posts by Topaz

12 responses to “It Would be Great to Have a “Real” Marriage

  • acuriousgal

    I’m truly hope you find what you’re looking for!!

  • Kaela Moore

    This breaks my heart for you and your wife. Just want you to know that I am praying for healing in your marriage. God has a reputation for bringing beauty from ashes.

  • latelywonders

    do you like to read? if so, there are some books I would recommend. they are Christian based.
    1. boundaries in marriage- by henry cloud and john townsend.
    this book really helped to save my marriage.
    2.the 7 minute marriage solution- by Stephen arterburn

    also check out the new life ministries website. Stephen Arterburn is the founder and very wise. here is the link. check it out!
    newlife.com

  • farfetchedfriends

    You’re a guy whose going through some stuff and making a great point. Part of the beauty of marriage is that it represents the relationship between Christ & his bride. If you’re missing out on that, that’s mourning for God’s plan for your life. Nothing wrong with being real about that.
    Tell it, Topaz!

  • Jolene

    Topaz thank you for opening up to all of us, sharing a part of your life that you normally don’t share. Your readers care, we walk your life with you by just logging in and reading your posts…….I admire you for your honesty and willingness to share your hardships,struggles and your religious life with us.

    What’s a “Real” marriage? Couples that look like the happiest couples on the planet may be hiding a horrible secret, we may envy a couple because on the outside they seem perfect…..perfect job, perfect home, perfect family but what in reality it could be hell behind closed doors.

    We are given lessons in life to see how strong we are, you know this…..and Topaz in the short time that I have followed your blog you are one tough cookie….I admire your strength and devotion to our Lord.

    • Topaz

      Wow. Thanks, Jolene, for sharing all of that with me. I’m so glad that I can always count on you for telling it like it is.

      I actually regretted posting this since it was an impromptu post which I normally don’t do. I had second thoughts because I know that I’ve whined about my marriage in other posts. I didn’t want to sound like a friend of mine who got dumped, and every single time we were around him, he kept on and on about it for months. Finally I was like, “Enough is enough!”

      You have a great point about what constitutes a “real” marriage. Maybe I have seen too many movies where the couples hug, kiss, and cuddle all the time. I guess Hollywood has disillusioned me in the most subtle way.

      Thank you for the compliment on my toughness. It’s all God; I could *never* be like this on my own. If you met me in person, you would see that I’m the extreme opposite of macho!

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