You lie in the graveyard,
you’re rotting away.
— B***hole Surfers, “Graveyard”
Well, my friendship with Shiela is officially over. We totally ignore each other in the halls at work now. I started it and she followed suit.
I can’t express how angry it makes me feel. I got home today and felt like going out somewhere just to physically bully someone. I want so badly to verbally abuse Shiela, maybe ask her how the wine tastes in her coffee tumbler. I’m even thinking about telling her supervisor that she drinks at work. But then I think, What can she get me on? There’s got to be something bad that she knows about me. My gosh, we were best buddies for over a year.
I’ve been extra angry and depressed at home especially. I actually hosted Sheila at my house a few weeks ago and waited on her hand and foot. I served her (frozen) vegan pizza and her favorite wine, pinot grigio. I even gave her a pillow and covered her with a blanket when she passed out on my floor.
Those days are over. And I cannot accept it.
Luckily, last Friday was the CD release date for my favorite Christian rock band Stryper. It helped somewhat listening to the words this past weekend (especially since I skipped Mass).
These lyrics from “Sorry” especially spoke to me:
It doesn’t always make it starry
Maybe next time be more charming
so you don’t have to say sorry
I should have treated her with kid gloves at all times instead of texting her something that was “questionable” (see previous posts).
How was I to know how sensitive she was?
I pray that I’ll awake from my coma and start to enjoy life again. I pray that I can love Shiela even after what she did to me. It’s so hard but I’m trying.